S/O Vaccines

greenbeanqueen

I have a very close friend who chose not to vaccinate her child. He is almost 2 now. When we have discussed it she said "I dont want all those chemicals in my child and I have personal convictions about not doing them" She plans to homeschool, so I don't shun her for her decision. I do however have some feelings about it. They live about 3 hours from us and I know that when our baby is born they will want to come and visit and meet our baby. I want them to, but I am really nervous about having their toddler around our newborn until she has gotten her first round of vaccinations at least. As far as I know, he has never been exposed to anything, but to me it is such a big risk to have him breathing in her face and messing with her before she has been vaccinated. I just dont know how to address this with her without causing a big ado about something that generally we don't have issues with. If she doesn't want to vaccinate that is her choice, but I dont want to put my child at risk. Am I being crazy about this? How would you ladies handle this situation? 

MadeOfAwesome

Have them come visit after she's had her vaccinations.  Or tell your friend that while she's more than welcome to come visit, you don't want any kids around the baby, so if her kid comes, he can't come near the baby.  We had to tell DH's sister that her kids weren't allowed to touch the baby or get in his face when they came to visit.

wiggyslilsis

I think MOA had some good advice. I feel pretty strongly about vaccinations so I would probably say something along the lines of "you can choose to put your child at risk but I am choosing not to put mine at risk by exposing her to a non vaccinated kid" It would be a good idea to wait until after your baby has the first round of shots but that is at 2 months and they are still at risk for a lot of different things at that point.

MadeOfAwesome

Oh, and maybe it was overkill, but anyone who came in our house (when he was a newborn) immediately had to wash their hands and use hand sanitizer, whether they were going to touch him or not.  I didn't want anyone leaving germs on our door handles, countertops, whatever, for us to pick up and possibly pass to our son.  My H is also super OCD when it comes to germs though, so people weren't surprised when they came to visit.

greenbeanqueen

@wiggyslilsis I feel very strongly about it too, but it is not worth losing my close friend for us to argue about because she feels (although she has nothing to back her argument, no research she has done or anything) almost as strongly in the other direction, which I wish she would research to at least be able to back it up. We are kind of at an agree to disagree point. I am planning to at least do the "no kids near my baby" thing, but I just don't know how to approach the "don't visit for the first couple months" without bringing up why and she is so sensitive, I know it would make her really upset at me and potentially get her angry. 

PinkinProvence

Your friend is crazy - not you!  No way would I expose my baby to a non-vaccinated child.  I would also probably stringently restrict any interaction between the baby and the kid even after vaccinations.  I doubt your friend will be surprised by this - it is the exact reason that her kid is not permitted to attend school with other children - she has decided that her "personal convictions" are more important than the health and safety of the hundreds of other children her kid could come into contact with. 

caseyandlizzie

greenbeanqueen said:

@wiggyslilsis I feel very strongly about it too, but it is not worth losing my close friend for us to argue about because she feels (although she has nothing to back her argument, no research she has done or anything) almost as strongly in the other direction, which I wish she would research to at least be able to back it up. We are kind of at an agree to disagree point. I am planning to at least do the "no kids near my baby" thing, but I just don't know how to approach the "don't visit for the first couple months" without bringing up why and she is so sensitive, I know it would make her really upset at me and potentially get her angry. 

Don't you also have the right to be sensitive about this issue? It's nothing personal, but if you feel strongly about not exposing your newborn to a child who has not been vaccinated, then she has no right to get all butthurt about it. It was her decision not to vaccinate, not yours, so she's going to have to be okay with it.

pennstated912

caseyandlizzie said:

greenbeanqueen said:

@wiggyslilsis I feel very strongly about it too, but it is not worth losing my close friend for us to argue about because she feels (although she has nothing to back her argument, no research she has done or anything) almost as strongly in the other direction, which I wish she would research to at least be able to back it up. We are kind of at an agree to disagree point. I am planning to at least do the "no kids near my baby" thing, but I just don't know how to approach the "don't visit for the first couple months" without bringing up why and she is so sensitive, I know it would make her really upset at me and potentially get her angry. 

Don't you also have the right to be sensitive about this issue? It's nothing personal, but if you feel strongly about not exposing your newborn to a child who has not been vaccinated, then she has no right to get all butthurt about it. It was her decision not to vaccinate, not yours, so she's going to have to be okay with it.


All of this.

pistolpackinmomma

I would be honest. Tell her that while you can agree to disagree she needs to respect your side of things. Vaccines are just as important for those who cannot yet be vaccinated as those who are getting the vaccines. Tell her that since you are in the vaccine camp then you are relying on the herd immunity and unfortunately that means until baby can be vaccinated then you can't risk being around nonvaxed kids.

greenbeanqueen

Thanks ladies, I guess there is no way around telling her why, which is ok because she needs to realize her choices have consequences. She doesn't worry about it because she is a SAHM and he is pretty much never around other kids, and she has several non-vax friends too.

botanicalbliss

You are not crazy.  I would not knowingly let an unvaccinated kid near my baby until he has his shots.  

wiggyslilsis

I understand not wanting to lose a close friend but if you guys are in the agree to disagree camp than she should be just as understanding of your feelings as you are with hers. Right now it sounds like (because you mentioned how sensitive she is) that she expects her friends to put up with her choices with no repercussions.

For me, I think having a non vax friend would be a dealbreaker. I would not feel comfortable having my baby around their child and that seems like enough to end a friendship.